Sex, cancer, politics, and the process of deconstructing our theology are just a few of the topics I have been told on numerous occasions are things we in New Thought don’t talk about. My question has been and continues to be, why not? The current iteration of New Thought has roots that can be traced back to the mind-cure movement. Why would we segregate some things as being off-limits?
“It's a universal law-- intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”
~Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn
My observation of this phenomenon traces back to before I was involved in New Thought, and I share that with you because my observations apply to both. While these are not the only reasons, my observations have boiled down to two main reasons though these are not the only reasons.
1. Such topics tend to stir conflict and New Thought folks tend to be conflict-averse.
2. Such topics tend to stir various levels of discomfort. Many in New Thought continue to experience unresolved codependence. In fact, in many cases because of this very topic, codependency is often unaddressed because as I shared in a previous discussion, we promote the immature concept that says, “What we talk about we bring about.”
Talking about sex still carries puritanical guilt and shame for many of us. We are also ill-prepared and uncomfortable talking about illness and disease and the range of emotions that come up when we or a loved one experiences cancer or any number of things that could result in death. One of the things that also surfaces is our need to fix things. This is also deeply rooted in our codependence. I have witnessed on multiple occasions and have been told of times when someone shares something uncomfortable about death and how they are grieving. Before the person can finish sharing, someone jumps in with any number of our pithy and quite unhealthy aphorisms, “They are at peace.” “They are one with God now and we should be happy.” “There is no need to cry, death is an illusion.”
Do we, as a movement, not know how to be with someone without shushing them and saying everything will be alright because God is in control? We say we are comforting them when we are in fact seeking to comfort ourselves.
New Thought is not a “trauma-informed” spiritual path or practice. There are many members of the various communities, ministers, practitioners, chaplains, etc. who have experience and training in grief counseling, therapy, and facilitation of all things trauma including addiction. This type of training or awareness is not a mainstream part of who we are as New Thought.
Imagine if it were!
Imagine the good we could do in the world if we actually had the knowledge, awareness, and skills to meet people wherever they are in their lives. This would reduce the amount of spiritual bypassing, metaphysical malpractice, and metaphysical malfeasance because we would have no reason to avoid any topics, emotions, or situations.
We would engage in politics in ways that benefit the community and the world because we would understand our role as truth speakers who speak out against any and all oppressive policies and legislation. We would speak out against police brutality and corruption. We would speak out in favor of healthcare for all, affordable housing, clean water, diversity, equity, and inclusion because we understand that these things are in alignment with our mission, vision, values, and purpose. We would embrace our community members without needing the polyamorous people to explain or defend themselves. We would be a safe space where those who are sex and kink-positive would have no reason to feel shame in our spaces or our presence.
The last time I mentioned this on a Zoom call, someone interjected rather voraciously. She needed to say that we should not endorse, accept, or allow degenerate and abhorrent practices to be deemed valid lifestyles. What would make her jump to the conclusion that a sex-positive life and engagement in kink, was abhorrent or degenerate? It is safe to say that somewhere in her life she had been indoctrinated by some kind of purity culture mumbo jumbo.
This illogical nonsense was the same ludicrous rhetoric people said about Gay marriage. “If we allow that then what comes next, people wanting to marry their dogs, cats, and kids?”
What the actual F***!?
How does someone connect those dots?
Intolerance is bred from indoctrinated ideologies that deem sex as one thing and not this other thing. It deems certain topics of conversation inappropriate simply because the topic is taboo. And for the record, not everything should be discussed everywhere in general company.
No one would have a conversation about the systemic ills of the Jim Crow South with a five-year-old. They are not of an age to discuss. We would be very careful to show film footage or photos of the German Holocaust when the youth are mature enough for such material.
So, this is not an advertisement for careless conversations. Instead, it is an invitation for us to “grow up.”
Grow up and develop healthy relationships. For them to be healthy relationships, we cannot shun, silence, or select what parts of the people we will “accept.” Note I said healthy relationships. I want to reemphasize that point because I am not advocating for people to be in relationships where they are not safe which is synonymous with healthy.
I have family members that I do not visit and rarely speak to for this very reason. Because of their brand of Christianity, it is not healthy (safe). To socialize with them, I must perform as someone other than myself. I must relate in ways that make them comfortable even when it causes me discomfort and is unacceptable to me.
Talk about politics, fears, worries, anxieties, addictions, sex, and kink, … Talk about Life and how we are living it in all the various flavors, textures, and nuances.
Spiritually mature people do not need to censor topics of discussion. No topic is too taboo or off-limits. Spiritually mature people are also emotionally, socially, and intellectually mature.
Let the discussions commence!
Rev. Raymont Anderson, PhD., the spiritual director of The Center for Spiritually Integrated Arts, author of Moving Mountains: The Journey of Transformation and Visual Music: Interpreting Songs in American Sign Language
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